Sam's Guide:Chuck Norris

So who exactly is Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris (Born:Carlos Ray Norris) is an American Martial Artist and Actor and probably the most awesome American guy who ever lived. Hence, his idolation by Americans and the internet (which has been scientifically proven to be mostly American)

He is also the world's most powerful pokemon.

However,they had to cut him out of the pokemon series because he would make every other pokemon seem like a bunch of yellow mice blue turtles red lizards green leafy dimosaurs oddly coloured animals.

and he regularly teams up with japanese anime girls

So How Awesome is Chuck Norris actually?

• he's the only person to ever achieve a score of 301 in bowling.
• he's the only person ever to beat a brick wall in a game of tennis
• when he crosses the road, cars have to look left and right.
• when he does push-ups, he doesn't actually lift himself up, the world gets pushed down
• when he falls in water, he doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.
• he once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they made him blink.
• he played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. and won.
• he was supposed to be cast as the Terminator, but they decided that they didn't want to make a documentary, so they casted Arnold Schwarzenegger instead.
• he can win a game of monopoly without owning any property
• there is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures he allows to live
• he invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
• when the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks to see if Chuck Norris is hiding in his closet.
• he can pull a push door, and push a pull door.
• he can never have a heart attack, because his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
• he sets ants on fire using a magnifying glass. at night.
• he can divide by zero
• in the fine print of the last page of The Guinness Book of Records, it states that all records are actually held by Chuck Norris, and the people listed in the book are simply the closest anyone have ever gotten. 

Ways to Survive a Chuck Norris Attack
none.

if you can see him, he can see you. if you can't see him, you're probably already dead.

Chuck Norris' Weaknesses

• Bruce Lee (the only person on Earth who is more awesome than Chuck Norris. video evidence here)
• tigers lions bears eagles t-rex pterodactyl dragons snakes guns rockets fire explosions bombs children borat aliens kryptonite 

score one for the asians.